November 19, 2009:
Well, I know some people tried to warn them this would happen. No need to panic. This will be over soon. Just keep your eyes on that big prize riiiight above the horizon.
Things will be better then!
Via FUXNEWS:
It seems the problems for the scandal-ridden Obama administration are continuing. Mere weeks after Obama advisor David Plouffe sparked the still controversial incident dubbed LMAO-Gate after using a seedy acronym in a chat session with the public, Obama Administration officials anonymously leaked this years Christmas card list - a list that includes Nursultan A. Nazarbayev, the President of Kazakhstan with some extreme human rights violations and equally ties to Bill Clinton. While the leakers weren't willing to go on the record with their identities, they did thank President Obama for his nifty bi-partisan approach before empahsizing their sincere hope that Sarah Palin will "boot that baby-killer out of here" in a couple of years.
Luckily, there are brave Independent Democrats willing to investigate this serious conflict of interests. Joe Lieberman (I-CT) has proclaimed that these cards represent a "significant national security issue" and opened an investigation last month, vowing to "grind the government to a halt, if necessary," and appoint an Independent Counsel who will investigate this and any other related occurrences in the President's office.
"When I say related," Lieberman droned, "I mean mostly having to do with the President. I think a full audit of this administration is in order. There are many Americans who were deeply concerned with the prospect of this administration - I happen to be one of them. While I have the greatest respect for President Obama - he's a very articulate and decent young man - it's just so important that Americans can trust their government, and it never hurts to keep tabs on the White House, make sure they're not out of line, and bring it to the public's attention when they are. Accountability is key, you know?"
Lieberman, who ignored billions of war profiteering and missing money in Iraq, incompetence in domestic security institutions, the murder of civilians in Iraq and the actions of Blackwater and KBR, has reportedly been keeping his powder dry for a scandal of this epic and urgent scale.
While there were liberal activists insisting that Lieberman be removed from his chair immediately for undercutting the Obama agenda, it appears cooler heads in the Senate caucus will prevail once again. A source close to Evan Bayh (D-IN) noted the air of paranoia and suspicion that hung over the Clinton Administration, and claimed that since the caucus was convinced there was no wrongdoing, partisan retribution would serve only to lose Lieberman's vote (which is worth 7 partisan, non-mavericky votes) and create the appearance of impropriety, especially with the midterms coming up. "The best way to keep partisanship out of politics," they said, "is to let our adversaries do whatever they want."
They were also encouraged that Lieberman would have problems with being re-elected to the Senate in his home state of Connecticut, and were highly confident that 2012 would give them the freedom to enact their agenda.
No... for srsly this time.
"Of course," Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said condescendingly, "there are a handful of people on the far left that have a problem with this process, and it's true that dealing with these very important issues has pushed back work on reforming the TSA, but I mean, those people are extreme!" He continued, "I bring a responsible, reasonable, nuanced approach to governing that's highly productive," probably alluding to the historic Terrorism Is Really Really Bad, Seriously Guys Act of 2009.
When asked for rebuttal, Mitch McConnell (R-KY) simply said: "Harry Reid. Fucking Traitor."